Last week, I was lazing in the pool, on a float, talking to my two millennial daughters and my one generation x daughter (sorry you’re too old to be a millennial since they are all the rage right now, Holly).
The convo shifted to what’s never appropriate to say to a woman unless you’re her BFF and/or she’s asking for advice. By the end of our chat, we had a list of 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman.
10 Things You Should Never Ever Say to a Woman
1. Are you pregnant?
Really? Do I even have to say this? I never ask a woman if she’s pregnant, even if she’s obviously past due. Don’t go there unless the pregnant woman starts a conversation about her pregnancy.
2. You’re huge! (said to a pregnant woman)
When my daughter was pregnant, a woman walked up to her and said, “I can’t believe how big you are. You just keep getting wider and wider.” This was at church. Who says that? She started to say, “I can lose the baby weight, but have you always been so rude and mean spirited?” She didn’t say it. She was at church.
3. Are you ever going to have kids? (Your biological clock is ticking)
My niece was asked this dreaded question a month after she was married. Really, people?
My oldest daughter has had several miscarriages. She’s doing everything she knows to do to get pregnant. She really wants a child. She’s constantly being asked why she hasn’t had children. One lady keeps telling her, “I’m waiting for that baby.” She wants to say, “me, too.”
Listen up: It hurts badly when you’re trying to have a child and people keep asking why you haven’t had a child. Just be quiet. Please!
4. Do YOU like it? (When you’re sporting a new hairdo)
That’s the old southern going-all-the-way-around-the-bush before letting it be known that you hate the new do. Tell us what you really think!
5. You have such a pretty face (when you may need to lose a few pounds)
That’s the same as saying, “you’d be pretty if you weren’t so fat!”
6. All your kids look just like their dad.
You’re tempted to whip out your baby photos to prove that at least one looks like you. I don’t understand what point people are trying to make. Who cares who they look like? Let them be their own person. Geez.
7. Do you want to hold my baby?
No. I don’t. When I visit a new mom in the hospital, I wash my hands and all that jazz, but I don’t want to hold your newborn.
When I took the “love language” test, touch was my least favorite love language. Does that make me a cold-hearted witch? No. It just means I don’t have to touch your baby to think he/she is the best thing since sliced bread. I’m southern, but I’m not touchy feely southern. OK?
8. Have you ever thought about getting braces?
Someone I know was actually asked that question. I mean, talking about getting up-close and personal. Unless you’re a scout for a modeling agency or a dentist/orthodontist, that question should never come out of your mouth.
9. Your sister is so sweet, pretty, fill in the blank
This happens on a regular basis to a friend of mine. We laugh about it, but really?
10. You look tired (you’ve got dark circles under your eyes)
This really means you look like crap. Guess what? I am tired! I’ve been working for 16 hours and running on four hours of sleep. Why don’t you state the obvious?
These are the 10 things my daughters and I came up with. What would you add to this list?
26 comments
My children are 8 years apart. I used to get asked #3 all the time. I remember vividly once when a neighbor came over and just drilled me. It happened when it happened, God was completely in control. My youngest daughter has had one miscarriage and multiple problems including a recent emergency surgery. She is very sensitive to this question.
I had to chuckle at #2, I know those people personally.
This is a great list, and also a little but funny! I learned the hard way not to say some of these things, but then it was a little too late!
#10 cracks me up because I feel like I get that often and I usually retort with “Thanks for telling me I look like crap.” But #4 (do YOU like it?) – I have to admit I’ve done that before and knew immediately as the words were flowing out of my mouth what I had just said/done. Never again!
Good Afternoon Alli, It is amazing to think how we women can be so inconsiderate to each other. I often wonder about the person who makes the mean statement, are their lives so narrow, that they have forgotten how to be polite or are people mean to them so they pass it on.
Whichever is the case, we really should be much kinder to each other.
Its lovely to catch up with you again. Have a lovely ‘mean free’ day.
Best Wishes
Daphne
Hahaha, this is a great post. Yes, it’s true that none of these things should ever be said to a woman. I remember a cashier once asked me if I was pregnant about one week AFTER I had given birth. lol
That same thing happened to me. One week after the birth of my son, someone asked when I was due! I was hormonal and I think I cried once I was back in the car. 🙂
Yes, yes, I agree with all.. One I would add and I make sure I am careful when I am personally asking i
Do you work? ( as I am hold a baby and have a toddler hanging on my leg.) Really?
The funny thing was, the inquiry always came from another women.
When I was a young mother this always put me on the defensive Grrrr
That’s another great one – the “do you work?” one. I remember being asked that question when I had two preschoolers at home.
Yes, yes and YES! First of all, “Are you pregnant?” is the worst! I’m 24 and I always get “are you going to be married/have kids soon?!” I’m sorry that I’m spending my twenties focusing on ME.If it happens, it happens.
I agree with all of these except the one about holding the baby. I don’t mind being asked because I don’t like to ask to hold someone’s baby. Some people don’t feel comfortable having their baby held and I don’t want to put them in a weird spot. If they ask me then I know it is okay. I hate the one about the circles under the eyes because mine are hereditary and my daughter at 12 already has them.
I totally get where you are coming from. I’m talking about those parents who practically push their babies into my arms and demand that I hold them. 🙂
Oh my gosh, yes! The one about are you going to have kids is definitely one we all need to remember to NOT ask! I know it’s sort of automatic, but with infertility rates being the highest they’ve been in years, I’m sure many of them are trying 🙁
Very cute, I do agree those are 10 important no-no’s to say to a woman. It’s funny how many seem to think it’s okay to ask some of those questions 😉
These are all good points that you should never ask a woman.
I agree with some of these and am always shocked when i hear other people say them. Yet, they still say them.
As women we already deal with so many things, including insults about our skills and achievements and our capabilities being questioned as well. I don’t think we have to hear and go through all of these statements as well. Can’t they just all give us a break, lol.
I have always been floored by what my girlfriends have said people say to them. It is amazing how many people don’t’ stop and think before talking.
I have to admit these are really good things not to say to a women. I love the pregnant woman one. Just to be save I never ask if a woman is pregnant. Thanks for sharing the list of what not to say to a woman.
You’re absolutely right. No one should say any of these things to a women. People can be so rude.
This is definitely a great list. I can say that I have been asked some of these things, but others I dare someone!
Oh my gosh! I always hate when someone says my youngest son looks nothing like me and only looks like his dad. I hear it all the time!
Love this list! It made me laugh and nod in agreement. And your southern take on things cracked me up–made me think of some of my Mississippi relatives! LOL
~Lorelai
Life With Lorelai
Oh these are good, I’ve had several said to me. I also hate when people keep asking me when I’m getting married. Obviously it will happen once I’m engaged, mind your business lady.
Oh my life – people are so rude! I constantly get comments about “trying for a girl” [I have 3 boys]. People need more manners!
My daughter has 4 boys and she gets that all the time! Yes, she wanted a girl. No, she didn’t get one. She has moved on and loves having 4 boys. Next. You’re right. Some people are just plain rude.
Hahaha! That was some cool things not to say to a woman….you are bang-on correct! One of friend was at the dentist at Durrett Orthodontics in Tampa, FL getting new braces and her boyfriend who was with her just commented – “How can someone kiss you in your braces?” and laughed out loud as if it were a joke – And I tell you that girl was so pissed at him, they are not on talking terms now for obvious reasons!