It’s a riot each year when I try to get all 13 family members together for our annual family photo! Â And I always put my spin on what happened. Here goes another dreaded family Christmas photo!Â
It’s that time again – the dreaded family Christmas photo. I shouldn’t complain. I’m the one who insists on the photo (insert really big eye roll and sigh). Â You can read about the making of a family Christmas card 2012 here and 2013 here. Â People have told me that they’ve laughed until they cried while reading those accounts. I mostly just cried.
If you recall, last year I never could get my grown kids together long enough to get a picture, so I grabbed the hubs and the grandkids and said, “Forget Y’all” to my kids (in a kind and caring way, but with a bit of attitude and a hand wave).
So this year when the subject was broached, I decided to keep my mouth shut. Â If you know me, then you know how hard that decision is. Â The convo goes something like this:
Daughter #1: ” Let’s do the Christmas pic on Thanksgiving Day. Â We’ll all be here. Â It won’t take long. Â We’ll do it right before we eat Thanksgiving dinner.”
The hubs: Â “We don’t eat until six. Â It’ll be dark outside.”
Daughter #1:Â “We’ll do it at 5:30.”
Son #2: Â “What are we wearing?” Â (Really?) Â He loves to have his picture taken!
Hubs: Â “Still dark.”
Me: Â (You know I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut) “How about 5:00 PM?” Â (Remember the 5:00 part as you read on!)
Daughter #1 to Son #1: Â “Don’t wear a shirt with writing on it! Â You do it every year!”
Daughter #3 (photographer): “Who’s gonna shoot it?” Â (We’ve alienated every photographer from Charlotte to Columbia)
Daughter #1: Â “We are. Â I’m bringing my Nikon, the remote and the tripod. Â I’ve already got some poses in mind. Â I’m setting it up and we’re going to do it. Get it over with. Â Bam.” Â (She’s the one that never wants to find time to take pics)
Daughter #2: Â “Wait one minute! Â We will be coming from a family reunion (her husband’s side) and I won’t have time to re-bathe and redress the kids. Â They’ll be grungy.”
Daughter #1: Â “We’re doing causal. Â Black and white. Â Doesn’t matter what they look like.” Â (Who died and left her in charge?)
Son #2: Â “What are we wearing?”
Me:  “I don’t care what y’all wear.”  I mentally tell son #2 to do something with that crazy hair as I’m going through my closet in my mind:  Michael Kors super skinny (almost leggings) black pants, my favorite Micheal Kors riding boots (will they even be seen?) and my new top I was planning to wear to an event I’m attending – the woman in all-slenderizing-black – done!
The Day Of
Me: Â I’ve been in a cooking marathon for 2 straight days. Â I have managed to shower before throwing on a Duke t-shirt and yoga pants. Â At 4:00 PM I rush to the bathroom to put on some makeup, grab my skinny pants and boots and the black tee that goes under my new shirt. Â I”m too hot to actually put on the shirt yet, plus I don’t want to get it dirty. Â Remember, I’m still cooking. Â The only one cooking. Â
Son #2: Â “I didn’t know you were dressing as Catwoman this year?”
Me: Â “Meow! Â It’s my new look!”
Son #2: Â Shakes his head in disbelief.
5:00 PMÂ – Everyone’s Arrived Except Daughter #1 and Son-In-Law #1 (aka her husband)
Me: Â “Has anyone noticed how cloudy it’s getting?”
Hubs: Â “I’ll call daughter #1 and see if they’re almost here.”
Daughter #1: Â “We’re just now leaving. Â Mom said 5:30.” Â She lives 30 minutes away!
Me:  “Whoa there!  Mom said 5:00!  Mom did not say 5:30.  You said 5:30.”  (Why am I speaking in 3rd person?)
Hubs: Â “Now don’t stress out. Â You’ve been really calm today.”
Me: Â (thinking) Â “What the heck does that mean?”
5:32 PM
Me: Â I’ve opened the bottom oven and received a steam bath to my carefully made up and contoured-the-heck-out-of face to try and disguise the puffiness from that giant piece of pecan pie I ate last night. Daughter #1 is L A T E!
Breathe, just breathe!
5:35 PM
Me: Â “It’s pitch black outside (maybe a slight exaggeration) and I’ve got a turkey coming out of the deep fryer and rolls about to go in the oven. Â Where is she?!?!?” Â I begin the breathing exercises I was taught in that Lamaze class 28 years ago – a few weeks before I had the C-Section. Â
Daughter #2: Â “I know. Â We’ll turn on all the cars’ headlights and shine them at us.” Â Aren’t you the funny one.
They Finally Arrive & Everyone Heads Out the Door
Except me!
Me: Â “Call me when you get it all set up and I’ll throw on my shirt and pop out the door at the last minute.”
She did. Â I did. Â We did. Â It was a complete disaster! Â I do believe my 3-year-old grandson could have done a better job.
I looked like I had just run a marathon. Â My face was glistening and my hair was curling/frizzing from the steam bath. Â I was a hot mess.
The next day, I called my lawyer paralegal cousin to discuss the dilemma and promptly announced that I was not sending out cards this year. It would be the first time in my married life that there would be no cards.  Then Linda had a brilliant idea.  “Do a collage” she said.  They’ll love it, she said.
Eureka! Â On the spot I decided we would add pics of the grandkids and the rest of us would do selfies. Â That’s right. Selfies. Â It worked. Â Kinda. Â Sorta. Â Here are the results. Â (Reminder: Â I was working at my desk and just held out my iPhone and clicked. Â Done. Â Not my best work by far, but done.)
And thank you, Minted, for the discount coupon code from that sponsored post I did a good while back, the premium paper, the free, cool self-addressed envelopes, and the off-the-chain delivery. Â You rock! Â Big time!
I’m on a quest to find a photographer left in NC/SC that will take our family pic next year.  🙂  Any volunteers?